update...

an update on my bff with the big c….

i almost didn’t write that line.
one because i hate to admit she even has it.
and two because referring to it as the "big c"  seems
to somehow diminish the seriousness of it.
so,  to clarify - i know exactly what it is
and it makes me angry -  but angry doesn’t get me anywhere.
and if anyone should be angry it should be c and she isn’t.
she is wagering a very tough battle.  if you were to stop in and see
her you would never have a clue that anything was less than perfect.
as a matter of fact if you ask her how she is doing, she would say -  perfect.
the way she navigates her world she makes us think that all of this is easy.
the first time she started fighting this battle i convinced myself it would be
a short fight.  however, it didn’t end with a resounding victory.
so more fighting was in store.  more surgeries,  more chemo.
chemo is not fun.  it’s a three way race to see if chemo can kill the cancer before the
chemo or cancer kills you.
i don’t like conflict or races but in this case i'm all in to help with the fight.
i plan for her to be a survivor and i am attached to those plans.
i know all of us are. and because she always aims to please everyone
i am certain that she will come through for us.  
thank god she is a people pleaser.
while visiting her last week we chit chat,  she makes me laugh.
i am suppose to be cheering her up but it works the opposite.
i went there to make her day brighter - but instead she made mine sparkle
like the gem that she is. we talk about how hopefully soon she will be joining us
outside the confines of her couch to our favorite booth at the 99 -
that booth holds a lot of dirt. a. lot. of. dirt. it’s a special place for us.
it holds, fear, tears, laughter, comfort, support and promises to be there
for a long, long, time. and i plan for c to be here with us for a long, long, time too.
after i left her house i realized the mud and muck of fear had  dissolved.
i knew in my heart that she will win this. i  just knew it.  by the time i went
to bed that night my heart was calm and peaceful.  then i reminded myself that...
 - storms always lose to the sun.
love you… xo

and the oscar goes to...

sharon..

for hosting such a great party. thanks sharon,  it was so much fun. and i need to find out
where to buy the chocolate wine. oh yup -  chocolate wine!

love sent, xo

dear joe...

happy happy birthday...
i love you...

and i hope this coming year bring you much happiness...

love sent, xo

family...

somtimes if you are really lucky your family can also be your friends..
thanks vinny.  if you are in the malden/melrose area you should try serena's ristorante click here you will be glad you did.  thanks giovani!!

love sent, xo

smart girl...

great time...

birthdays are for celebrating...

eating...

spa treatments...

skiing...

skating...

hanging out by fireplaces...

sharing love from friends...

                                                thanks for all the birthday wishes...  love sent,   xo

move along...

another work week begins. i am in a very strange place at work. there is so much change still  going on- it is like i have started working for a different company 3 times in the past year.  but with none of the excitement and anticipation that accompanies new beginnings. it seems like ages since friday. so much happened over the weekend. curve balls got nothing on me. my ability to mitigate the panic that wells inside is improving. that is something.  but there was great stuff on the weekend too....  i'll be back with pictures but for now i have
to meet up with some friends to turn in my oscar ballot....

happy valentine's day...

this is love to me.....

thanks drew for being such a caring guy.  i love you  xoxo

"someday...

someplace... somehow... we will all be together once again, and only then will it be spring for me
because i love you so" .  these were the words that father tony read yesterday at my aunts funeral. 
they were words that she herself  wrote after the automobile accident that claimed  her young
son's life so many years ago.  she is now  reunited with him and all the others that have gone before
her.  the service was a tribute to her life.  there were so many wonderful days to remember.  at 80
her poetry book was published - she is a true measure to never give up your dreams.  as her oldest
son read -  he said:  she was a woman with many dimensions, many facets,  just  like a diamond.  a
diamond cut from rough crystal but shone all of her life.  she has left a legacy of love and words to
live by.  and again, how ironic that her own words would be most moving during her final farewell. 
this poem she wrote when her own mother left this earth.

dear god:  she's gone.

how very  many things are different now.

how much i have lost that i will never know again.

i feel the scalding tears well up and blur my sight.

then gauge their path in burning rivulets to fall upon the ground before my feet.
i make no small attempt to hide their flow,
for i am not ashamed i loved her so!
and mothers are so precious that you give us only one.
i'm glad you gave me her.  no other one in all this world would have been right for me.
you knew that didn't you? 
i hope i made her happy while i could... and proud, i think i did.
please, god,  do all the little things for her i can no longer do.
it won't take too much of your time.  she never asked for much,
she won't complain, i never knew her to.
make sure she has the rest she needed so.. and grant her peace,
she's earned it god,  i know! watch over her until i come... and then...
please give her back to me, my understanding god - amen.                                                                      
                                                                     
                                                               aquinas m. aalto
                                                      may 2, 1921 - feb 8, 2011

there is beauty if you look...

the only way around it is through it to the other side.

february is fully underway.  light is returning to the days even if it is ever so slowly. i can feel spring

in the distance. even tho i am still looking out over miles and miles of snow - which does have
beauty all on it's own. but some days i need a distraction from the cold, especially at this point in the winter. so off i go to buy as many bouquets of tulips that i can find. they make me smile and make
my house happy. they seem to melt away some of the winter blues.

love sent, xo

words are powerful...

my new song obsession....

heaven...

i've been taught since a young age that those who leave this life go back to heaven. it seems to me logic would prove that our spirits go back home--and heaven is our home--regardless of who we were in humanity. there we are reunited with people who love us, those we connected with on this earth, and those who connected with us from heaven. in essence, we are surrounded by angels.

after that we are given a chance to continue in knowledge and progression. we can grow in happiness and intelligence - forever if we choose.  my dad's sister has now joined him in eternal life.  they had the most amazing bond.  love you to the moon and back auntie.  sleep tight.

keep my memory with you, for memories never die;

i will be there with you,
when you look across the sky.
i will be there in the clouds,
in the birds that fill the air;
in the beauty of a fragrant rose,
you will find my memory there.
you will feel me in the tenderness,
of a tiny baby's touch;
you will hear me if you listen,
in the twilight's gentle hush.
when your hearts are heavy,
and you feel that you are alone;
just reach down deep inside of you,
for your heart is now my home.
i will always be with you,
i will never go away;
for i will live on in your hearts,
forever and a day.

                                      by, Allison Chambers Coxsey

begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”

-king of hearts, alice in wonderland


love sent, xo

william sonoma...

has some great stuff.  this would be perfect for a valentine lunch box treat.

todays story...

                                                            a page from the last 24 hours looked like this...

1. a wonderful evening with my bff's
2. a happy phone call from mom
3. hitting the snooze button three times
4. a mean email
5. a great email -  telling me i won the football pool !!!yeah....
6. a sad email  - stating that the CEO where i worked for years had passed away. but what a ride he had, he lived such a great life and cared so deeply for people. rip ko
7. a starbucks vanilla latte delivered to my office xo
8. a visit from a friend who always makes me laugh
9. getting everything finished for a deadline
10. a sweet text that made me smile






                               today means that we have survived all the yesterdays that make up our lifes story.

life is at your front door knocking...

much much stress comes from wanting to make things happen before their times have come....
instead of dashing headlong toward your goal, slow down and enjoy the journey... "sarah young"

i don't know what slowing down and enjoying the journey looks like for you on a sunday morning
in february.  but i know what it isn't.  it isn't about worrying about what tomorrow will bring,
it isn't shaming yourself into better or more productive behaviour, it isn't about holding on to fear, and it isn't
about firing yourself into the future like a cannon ball.  it's about enjoying today in all its splendor. it's sunny, its a day off,  and i am looking forward to a speical little dinner celebration later today for my sweet c before she goes into the hospital later this week for her surgery.  i know it's super bowl sunday and i know we
are probably suppose to be watching the game but... we will be chatting and catching up with each other

since nanc is finally back in the country for  5 minutes....we will be checking out Jane's new boots that she finally bought before winter packed its bags and went home.  the super bowl will be on in the backdrop and we will catch the half time show and we will check our squares to see how we are doing.  but mostly we will be cheering each other on and making sure c knows that we are all here rooting for her speedy recovery...

love sent, xo

february mornings....

are for lingering a little longer with my coffee...

happy friday...

on a gray day...

make sunshine...
you really have to make your own, especially at this time of year.  the gray skies have
been dumping snow day after day.  it seems to take hours to make the short ride to work.
i have even opted to work from home a few days which i could really get used to.  my blog is
turning into a food blog. if it doesn't stop snowing i am honestly not going to fit into my clothes.

cook, eat, repeat, and so it goes. the only exercise i am getting is opening and closing the oven door. 
it does keep the house extra warm tho and  it is new england and it is winter.   the chinmeys are working hard to keep their owners warm and cozy.   the branches are undressed except for the layers of snow and ice. they do look beautiful -  they are not yet ready for the spring party.  but spring is close  - or at least that is what the groundhog says. until then,  we will  make our own sunshine and your own sunshine applies to a lot of things in life.  we aren't handed golden rays of  opportunity, nothing is really free. you have to make it happen. work hard to create it, put care and  thought into our lives,  make everyday connections with friends and family.  it's an ongoing process.
today i am having to work really hard at this.  it's just one of those days....   and it's nothing major - just all life stuff that is making me feel...  well, gray.  but i read a quote this morning that helped and it said "the person who has the ability to look beyond gray skies toward the sun (which is out there) its just waiting to make its grand entrance is the richest most successful man on earth."   well i am looking - and i remind myself that it's not the smartest, the richest or the best who have a good life it's the  person who deeply appreciates what they have been given. 

love sent, xo

winter wednesday...

my snow day project..                                                         
sugar cookie recipe (30 small cookies)

2 sticks of butter
1 1/2 cups of powdered sugar
2 1/2 cups of flour
1 tsp of vanilla
1 tsp of cream of tarter
1 tsp of baking soda
1 egg
in your kitchen aid fitted with the paddle attachment, whip together butter and powdered sugar. add flour, vanilla, cream of tarter, soda, and egg. on slow, stir together ingredients just until combined. turn the dough out onto a floured board and wrap it with plastic wrap. let the dough rest in the refrigerator for 20 minutes.
unwrap the dough and put it on a floured board. be sure to flour the rolling pin, as well. roll out dough until 1/4 inch thick.
cut shapes. place them on a parchment lined baking sheet. bake for 6-8 minutes at 350 degrees just until the edges begin to turn brown - baking time will depend on size and thickness of the cookie.
let cool on a wire rack

royal icing  (martha stewart)

3 egg whites
4 cups of powdered sugar
in the kitchen aid fitted with a whisk attachment, beat the egg whites until almost frothy. add in the powdered sugar and whisk on slow until smooth. you may need to add more or less powdered sugar or water to achieve desired thickness. for sugar cookies, you want the icing to be thin enough that it will fall back on itself and smooth itself out, but not too thin so it will run off of the cookie.
add  a tiny amount of food coloring to start, you can always add more if you want a darker color.  good colors are important for professional looking cookies.
let dry thoroughly before putting in bags etc.

 put in glassine bags or envelopes and add a sweet message.  give to all of your valentines....<3

            gotta save one for this guy... is he not the most gorgeous baby you have ever seen? i think so...

and try mini angel food cakes with melted chocolate topping...

sounds of laughter ...

and shades of life...  when it just keeps snowing, we just keep cooking....

the new bread recipe from the weekend... its a keeper...serve it with roasted tomatoes and

goat cheese... seriously good...

and then hang out in front of the fire place.. watch winter's bone and wonder how it ever
got picked for the oscars.  i mean...life is cold and kin are cruel but...  i don't get  it.... very weird.

and make a great dinner... mango pepper salmon with coconut, crispy potatoes, and armaen salad...

love sent... xoxo