writing project...

directions to where i am ... start in the blue collar city of somerville, massachusetts. see the city in all it's wonder good and bad. 1st daughter, 3rd child in a family of six. jump and run most days. be tough, fight sometimes because it's a tough city and you are a survivor. grow up with a few bumps and bruises and with such a strong mom - a fighter herself. feel safe. be surrounded with love. attend catholic school, learn to feel lots of guilt. get a ring at 12 years old, and a toy poodle with a radio inside. beg in high school to go to city school - succeed. drink wine before your time up on the hill. work a job in boston that your aunt got for you and ride home on the handle bars of your friends bike free as a bird. fall in like with a series of boys, a hockey player whose family loves you and you love them. think you'll marry him - know you wont. spend a few romantic nights with a boy who takes his guitar on dates and sings tiny dancer to you. get your first real job. buy your first car and cry a lot because it breaks down all the time. work, babysit, travel, dance your days away. marry the man of your dreams at a young age, buy your first house and make it into a happy home. dream your days away in wedded bliss, decorating, sewing and baking everyday. have 2 beautiful baby boys and be so amazed at the dept of a mother's love. dress them up like dolls, play everyday, ask questions, follow their lead. make many friends, open a craft store, teach, learn, be so content. one day lightning strikes, someone changed their mind, some dreams lost their way. draw on your earlier education of fighting for your life. know what it's like to be the saddest anyone could ever be. but remember two little people are totally depending on you. promise them you will not let them down and stick to it. this is only temporary, get a job, god will not let you down if you believe. move forward. meet the most caring man ever, the children fall totally in love with him. hold hands, believe in the future again. be afraid. have faith. see the sun again. take another chance. believe. move to a new house. have another child - a beautiful baby girl - could life be perfect again? spend 20 more years watching children grow, sleepless nights, proud moments that take your breath away, trials that you think might kill you, baseball, hockey, football, basketball, lacrosse, gymnastics, tennis, swimming, ski trips, ccd, driving, bad stuff, good stuff, graduations, moves across the country, births, deaths, still dreaming..... know that life has many turns and detours along the way - continue believing you are right where you should be ... embrace it all, everything is going to be okay. start a blog. write this. you are here...