happy new year...

i'm keeping track of life.  i see what's important, what can not be measured, purchased, or checked off a list.  it must be felt through the hands and the heart of an awakened soul.  nothing else really matters at all.

here's to an amazing 2016. 

love sent, xoxo

so much beauty surrounds us

my short list of beautiful things today...

i am healthy
the air in this changing season
the love in my life
my safe warm house
my morning coffee delivered with love
a warm hug
the scent of the fireplace

feel deeply, pay attention and notice everything.

beauty is all around us but sometimes we have to help each other see it.

love sent, xo

what you love is who you are...

so choose what you love accordingly.  "be open to whatever comes next."    i love that quote and it speaks volumes.

we never know what is around the corner.  i recently came across a note that said "start each day by writing down a short list of beautiful things."   choosing to see beauty does create more beauty.

this morning i had a super early start to the day, but then on my way to work this was the sky.  it was
even more spectacular in person.

i hope everyone had a great weekend.  ours was super busy but i loved it.  i love this time of year
when i can cook and entertain, it's my favorite thing to do.  we had a super fun brunch with the kids.

late sunday afternoon i went to see the new movie "the intern" with Robert DeNiro.  honestly, i loved it.  i laughed out loud loved it.  there are some really great lines. working in an office environment similar to the one in this movie is probably why i really enjoyed it.  i'm not sure it would have the same effect on say a teacher.  but honestly it is worth going to.  i think most of you would really enjoy it.

watch the trailer here


love sent, xoxo

dear august...

the world looks better through a cool pair of shades on the beach on a saturday...

thank you for starting out amazing, now, please slow down...

love sent, xoxo

sunday night...

sorry to say i am happy to see may come to an end.
this has sadly been a month of heartache.
here's to june.  wishing for a month of healing and cocktails in the country side, starting next weekend. i can hardly wait.

there are moments in life you treasure a bit extra.
moments that bring extra happiness.
goose bump moments.
wishing you some goose bump moments this coming week.

love these kids to the moon and back.  xoxo

love sent, xoxo

RIP Daisy...

The Last Battle

If it should be that I grow weak,
And pain should keep me from my sleep,
Then you must do what must be done,
For this last battle cannot be won.

You will be sad, I understand;
Don't let your grief then stay your hand.
For this day more than all the rest,
Your love for me must stand the test.

We've had so many happy years -
What is to come can hold no fears.
You'd not want me to suffer so;
The time has come, so let me go.

Take me where my needs they'll tend
And please stay with me until the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me
Until my eyes no longer see.

I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.

Please do not grieve - it must be you
Who had this painful thing to do.
We've been so close, we two, these years -
Don't let your heart hold back its tears.

Her first day with us..  such a baby.

Growing up together

Saying goodbye...

Our hearts are broken... Sleep well, run free.  xoxo

communicating love...

i feel grateful for this family and all the unanswered prayers they represent.
tonight we talked and laughed and ate roasted corn and drank rose under the stars.
i can be drowning in grief and then i look around and remember how much i have still.
how very blessed i am. i remember you don't get that many opportunities to share this
kind of  closeness. everything feels different but i am so lucky to have this moment.
usually when there seems to be more bad news than good i gather the ones i love around me
and that changes everything.  everything stops in these moments and i can see all the world is full of beauty.  thanks to my amazing family and all the tenderness they radiate.

love sent, xoxo

there is always beauty...

i am forcing myself forward but everything in me feels like it wants to go back to the past.
my heart is gripping the edge of change, worried about the future.  will my mom be ok? will we all feel peace eventually?  did we do enough?
you think you know how you might feel but knowing loss in your mind isn't the same as feeling such a loss in your heart.
there is more than one path toward healing and no right way to recover or to grieve. 
i think this weekend will be filled with food, books and flowers. things that fill my soul.

this sweet image graced my front yard this morning reminding me that life goes on.

wishing you all a peaceful weekend..

love sent, xo

heartbreak...

"we are all only fragile threads but what a tapestry we make"   jerry elliott

on this silent early morning in may, i look back on this past day and i can hardly believe what has happened.
i sit by this open window after this long winter and i can smell the lilacs just starting to bloom.
i know that summer will be here soon.
time is marching on, and the only constant thing is change itself.

when a call comes in before dawn you know it can never be good.  this morning i answered with trembling hands.
this is how these things happen don't they? we are going along doing whatever it is we do on an ordinary day and then news arrives that shatters everything.

my beloved brother joe is gone.  my heart is racing and my thoughts immediately turn to to my mom. how can i possibly call and tell her this terrible news?  she adored him.  only a mom can know the bond between a mother and child no matter what age.  there could be no greater loss than that of a child.  her son making his final journey before her is not how it is suppose to go.  it's hard to articulate feelings that are painful, raw and complicated.  calling to give this news when you are
1300 miles away is torture.

we wish so desperately for our loved ones to be happy, healthy and safe.  but sometimes that is not what life deals us.  but what choice do we have but to figure out how to accept it?  we are allowed on this earth all the wonderful moments of happy days but also with that the unexpected blows that bring us to our knees and make us want to hit the ground and weep.  one minute you are floating on a cloud and the next you are engulfed in a storm. that's the way life is.

i feel blessed that i have the family and friends that i do. the kind that will be there to do anything,
the circle of support is incredible.  i know that healing is possible because they make me believe in it.
i know that laughter and tears can share the same moment and that there is light even in the darkest
night. it's human to want answers and there will always be the why?  we will never have that answer.  we only have this moment and the hope for a better tomorrow.

we will find our way and joe's memory will live on in our hearts forever. we will remember all the kindness he showed others.  he never forgot a single birthday or occasion for any of us. he did so much for my mom.  his love was unconditional.  his heart was always in the right place.  he is now with my dad and his beloved dogs, louie and dillion.

there is so much grief in letting go.  it's such a strange sensation being a fifty something mother of three grown children yet at the same time i am a child again sitting in the back seat of my dad's car next to joe fighting for a window.  we are blessed that we have so many wonderful times to remember.

as todd said "he's not gone,  i will wrap myself up with his warm funny memories everyday"

i love you joe,  to the moon and back.  heaven is lucky to have someone like you.


rest well and be at peace. xoxo

happy saturday

a month has already gone by since i last posted.

my last post was a goodbye.  that was a hard day.  

there are times when the actual experience of leaving something makes you wish desperately that you could stay,  

and then there are times when the leaving reminds you a hundred times over why exactly you had to leave in the first place.

this past month has been a blur of busyness. lots of changes but in  a really good way.   

i had some reservations about making the "big move"  but all of my fears have been unfounded.

after ten years you form lots of habits in your day to day at a job, the comfort level is a big draw.

when we change our habits we change our lives.  change can push us, pull us and remake us.

shaking all of that up is a bit scary but we all need satisfying work and a sense of accomplishment

- a feeling that you are making a contribution that matters.
no matter what we do,  we all have something unique to offer, whether you are 20 or 90 so give it your best shot. 

of course i miss my friends and daily chats but this new adventure is a challenge and a song of comfort.  a new adventure always involves taking a risk and a leap of faith.  i find more and more as time moves on the things i really need to make me happy are limited in scope. a  quiet saturday morning after a long busy week and time around the table with my family are two things that really sustain me.  not that work is secondary but you can feel frantically busy and also feel that you are not spending enough time on what really matters.  

all of us have to stop and re-evaluate that from time to time.  for a happier life it's important to create an atmosphere of growth.  perfection is not what we need,  just making each day your best day is really all that matters.  it's what we all want but it can so easily get missed.

so just for today notice the sparkle in the everyday moments.

a hug
the smell of fresh cut grass after such a long winter
a txt from someone you love
that first morning coffee
a long walk to clear your head.

today is the best time to begin whatever it is that will make you happier.

love sent, xo

weekending...

this was a mixed bag week.  lots of stuff going on.  our downstairs bathroom is totally torn up which in turn has turned the entire down stairs upside down.  i can never figure out how one small project can spill over into so many  other areas.  but... it's all worth it.
at least  i keep telling myself it will be.
it's easy to forget all the progress we have made if i focus on the mess....

so,  in the mean time i'll just keep cooking so the house smells good.  yesterday i made these sweet little heart shaped cinnamon rolls.  they were really good and they looked really cute....

find the recipe here   i stuck with plain vanilla drizzle rather than maple.  i just shaped the rolls into hearts.

                                                loving my new french press coffee pot.

i finally finished a book i have been reading for several weeks. it wasn't always easy reading as some of the story is so difficult to read.  "global mom" is a heart wrenching story of family, the sacrifices for a career, living in eight countries, acquiring sixteen addresses,  the joys, the hardships, and the journey itself.  it was written by the wife of one of our vp's in germany.  i found it really interesting. living in this global world has it's challenges for sure. remaining a loving intact family while maneuvering this global world takes your whole heart.

looking ahead....
what better way to combat this winter weather than by looking ahead to spring.  remember to put your clocks ahead one hour tonight.  one extra hour of day light starting tomorrow.
in celebration i am trying this beautiful spring cocktail tonight, if nothing else it looks beautiful.

pink lady cocktail

1 1/2 oz gin or vodka
3/4 oz apple jack
1/4 oz lemon juice
1-2 dashes of grenadine
1 egg white.

pour ingredients into a cocktail shaker. shake first with no ice then
add ice and shake vigorously. garnish with a lemon twist or a cherry.

here's to spring.  happy saturday.

love sent, xo

hold on to these moments...

because they don't last long...

as february comes to a close i sit here astounded at how fast this month went by.  of course there were tons of challenges with all the snow but i loved having those days where we never had to leave the house. but now i am ready to move on to spring.   i sit here looking out the window at the huge mounds of snow and think, this might take until june to melt but...
i know it will happen much sooner than that.

as this birthday month comes to a close i find myself reflecting back on some of the moments and things that made this past year great.

1. special breakfasts with the ones i love...

2. nursing my mom back to health, sending her home with a heavy heart but knowing how much it's what she wanted.

3. the book - still alice / lisa genova.
with grace and compassion, lisa genova writes about the enormous white emptiness created by alzheimer's.     a must read.

4. glo minerals lipstick in jamacia
the perfect sheer color.

5. all the slow weekend mornings in north conway...

6. instagram #iloveit #somuchhappy

7.  long hot showers and early morning coffee

8.  sharing so many proud moments

9.   feeling blessed

10.hanging out in saratoga walking around on those beautiful summer evenings eating ice cream cones and listening to street music.


11.  those first tomato's from the garden...

12.  those amazing days in martha's vineyard

13.  all those laid back summer days at the beach house that i have been totally dreaming about lately.

14.  picnics at the lake

15. youngblood bronzer in sunset
for that summer glo.

16.  trader joes.  just about everything,

17. that beautiful rainy sept day snapping photos in the sunflower field, laughing at ourselves and each other.

18.  that feeling just before we boarded the plane to paris

19. waking up in paris and realizing all my dreams had come true.

#20 vanilla tea

from harney and sons.  it also comes in chocolate mint.

#21 those fall moments when you know why you live in new england...

#23  pumpkin martini's

#24  cutting down the tree

#25 drinking copious amounts of wine with the pinky club and sharing  our hopes and fears.
it's times like these when my heart cracks open.

#26 and the moments that will always be my favorite even if i live to be 100 are when i am in my home surrounded by my family, having dinner and sharing stories.  my life is in those evenings - my heart too.

and my favorite quote this year.

"i have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start,  with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning". - joseph priestly.

love sent, xoxo

weekend notes....

friday night we hung out at a local place for dinner. sitting at the bar is our favorite place to be. trading stories with strangers is awesome, you meet great people and it's the best dining experience of all.

saturday morning the girls headed in to boston to see our sweet friend c.  there was a small window of feeling better or normal, if only for a brief time. we reminded her with the snow piling up outside and lots more to come it might be better to remain put for another day or so.  not that she really gets to call the shots on that decision but there really was no option but to remain there, at least for now.
we shared some laughs and tried to focus on easier days. there is no going back, not for any of us, but we get to choose how we inhabit the now. in this moment we laughed and we were reminded of some crazy fun together.for a short time we could just enjoy the moment. my heart is swirling with a million thoughts, prayers,and emotions. there is so much more than we can possibly see or touch or understand at any given moment.  but c shows us she still finds gratitude and courage in the face of illness.

love sent, xo

happy wednesday...

for some reason i jumped out of bed today thinking it was already thursday and thursday was the day i had my super early meeting... once i was up and in the shower i realized ugh.. i could have hit the snooze button. today is only wednesday, a short week which now feels like a long one.

that's how winter can feel sometimes.

this past weekend was filled with football, warm fires and some relaxation.  we celebrated some birthdays, took long walks and made some great food.  aren't long weekends the best?

i got to thinking it would be fun to plan something fun to do each week to get me through these long winter days.  i have my oscar club which is really fun.  last night we saw american sniper it was intense.  i tend to slouch down in my seat and pull my scarf up to my eyes during many of the hard to watch scenes.  the one good thing about this movie club (besides the fact that i love all these crazy girls) is  it forces me to see movies i wouldn't normally see, it pushes me right out of my comfort zone.  this movie did just that.  i imagine what these guys go through but when you see something like this it just makes you more aware of how much they sacrifice for our freedom long after their service is done. so thank you to all who serve to make our lives better.

during the long winter months when the sun sets at 4:30 and it's bitter cold i can tend to get melancholy and quiet ( i know you don't believe me) but sometimes i do.

so i remind myself to do something fun every single week to brighten up the day.
drink champagne on mondays -  celebrate the beginning of a new week.
write a love letter -  it doesn't have to be a romantic one, it can be to a friend, a child, your mom. think about how often you look across from someone and think wow they look great today, what nice eyes, their hair looks so nice, what a great smile but... we never actually tell them.  perfect time is now.
buy flowers -  it totally works - every time.
light candles -  i do this all the time and it works all year long for making ordinary days feel special. make this dessert -  it is smooth chocolaty and it really feels like an indulgence.

                                        mocha chocolate mousse with irish whiskey.
                                                  from what katie ate (pictured above)

INGREDIENTS

• 170 g 1 1/4 c  good-quality dark chocolate, broken into small pieces
  170 g 1 1/4 sticks  unsalted butter
  3 tablespoons good-quality instant coffee granules, mixed with 2 tablespoons hot water
  4 free-range eggs, separated
  2/3 cup (150 g) caster sugar, plus 1 tablespoon extra
  2 tablespoons Irish whiskey (or dark rum)
  Pinch fine salt
  Whipped cream, to serve

METHOD

1. Bring a medium-sized saucepan of water to a gentle simmer and melt the chocolate, butter and coffee in a heatproof bowl that fits snugly over the pan without touching the water, stirring occasionally. Carefully remove the bowl from the heat and set aside. Keep the saucepan of water simmering away.
2. Place a few handfuls of ice in a large bowl and half-fill with water. Set aside nearby.
3. Sit a heatproof bowl that will fit into the bowl of ice over the saucepan of simmering water and add the four egg yolks, caster sugar, whiskey (or rum) and 1 tablespoon cold water. Using a balloon whisk or hand-held electric beaters, whisk for about 3 minutes until the mixture thickens, becomes paler and has a similar consistency to that of runny mayonnaise. Remove the bowl from the heat and place it in the bowl of iced water. Continue to whisk for a further few minutes until the mixture thickens and cools slightly, being careful that no water accidently gets into the mixture. Add the chocolate mixture to the beaten eggs and stir to combine.
4. Whisk the egg whites with a pinch of salt until just stiff and frothy. Add the extra tablespoon of caster sugar and beat again until just glossy.
5. Using a large mixing spoon, add one spoonful of egg whites to the chocolate mix and fold it in gently. Gradually fold in the remaining egg whites, taking care not to over-mix.
6. Transfer the mousse to a jug, then pour into individual serving jars or glasses. Place in the fridge and chill for 3–4 hours before serving. Serve topped with a thick layer of whipped cream

love sent, xo