universal truths...

i saw this today and a few of them really made me laugh...


i think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear
your computer history if you die.

nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you
realize you're wrong.

 i totally take back all those times i didn't want to nap when i was
younger.

there is great need for a sarcasm font.

how the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

jumping on the bed is fun. we should all do it more.

map quest really needs to start their directions on #5. i'm pretty
sure i know how to get out of my neighborhood.

obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the
person died.

bad decisions make good stories.

you never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work
when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for
the rest of the day.

i'm always slightly terrified when i exit out of word and it asks me
if i want to save any changes to my 10 page  report that i swear
i did not make any changes to.

i hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not
seeing anyone of  importance the entire day. what a waste.

i keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so i know not to
answer when they call.

i think the freezer deserves a light as well.

i disagree with kay jewelers. i would bet on any given friday or
saturday night more kisses begin with bud lite (or wine or margaritas) than kay jewelry.

i would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand
than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

the only time i look forward to a red light is when i'm trying to finish a text.

 i have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

how many times is it appropriate to say "excuse me"?" before you just nod
and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

here's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are
going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car
keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, but i'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time,
every time!  i know i can.

sometimes i'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still
not know what time it is.

xoxo