Monday, November 29, 2010

last of autumn...


we cooked, we ate, we enjoyed each others company.  we ended the weekend on a happy note. a birthday cake for mom. hugs to the girls as they head back to school.  all in all we enjoyed the holiday and the long weekend.  mom struggled a bit with her birthday wishes but she really enjoyed the kids.  all the firsts without dad will be hard.  but we know he is watching over her and all of us, he really must be -  look what we found  just outside the door.  xo

love sent,

Thursday, November 25, 2010

happy thanksgiving...

(photo via ali edwards)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

happy happy birthday drew...

wishing you all the happiness and joy that this day can bring - nothing less for you, your sweet spirit and twinkling eyes but mostly your welcoming heart. xoxo  hope all your dreams come true.... we love you

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

hostess gift idea...

i know that thanksgiving is only 2 days away but i had to share the cutest little hostess
gift idea.  it honestly will only take you an hour and it is so cute.
what you will need:
some polyester leaves (you can find them  at michael's or a.c. moore etc.)
clear melt and pour soap (again,  your craft supply store)
fragrance oil
measuring cup
wax paper
put your soap into the microwave...
add your fragrance oil and stir
take your tweezers and grab a leaf  or.. you can leave abit of the stem on to hold on to
then dip into soap making sure it is totally covered.

place on wax paper to cool

once they are all dry put them in a little dish next to the sink, your guests can grab a leaf
lather up and then throw away.

tie a few up in cellophane bags, makes a great hostess gift.

Monday, November 22, 2010


the weekend brought my sweet friend L home for a quick visit. we crammed in a lot of love in a couple
of days. we laughed, we cried, ate great food, toasted, traded recipes and hugs, drank lattes and mimosas,
early christmas gifts were given, lots to be thankful for.

i am  looking forward to thanksgiving and the week ahead spending time with family and friends.   i am hoping to make this week one of conscious thankfulness. i heard today that being grateful is a step ahead of being thankful. gratefulness is thankfulness in action. i hope to do small things to show my gratitude; to be more thoughtful, kind-hearted and patient.   it's such a small thing that can make someone feel so good.  my mom has been staying with us and she is the most grateful person i know.

love sent,

Friday, November 19, 2010

comfort food...

after a bone chilling walk on the bike trail try this to warm up...

recipe via zupas blog

minestrone soup

serves 4-6
2 tbs olive oil
1 medium onion, diced
2-3 garlic cloves, minced
2/3 cup carrots, peeled and diced small
2/3 cup celery, diced small
2 (32 ounce) chicken broth boxes
2/3 cup potatoes, peeled and diced small
2/3 cup zucchini, diced small or sliced
2/3 cup frozen peas, thawed (can omit :)
2/3 cup fresh spinach, chopped small
2/3 cup garbanzo beans, drained (about a half of a 15 oz can)
2/3 cup light red kidney beans, drained (about a half of a 15 oz can)
1 14.5 oz can diced tomatoes, undrained
1 6 oz can tomato paste
1 8 oz can tomato sauce
1/4 c parmigiana reggiano cheese, shredded (to cook in the soup, then add more on top when it’s finished)
1 1/2 tsp sea salt
1 tsp fresh ground pepper
1 dried bay leaf
1 1/2 tsp dried thyme
1 tsp dried rosemary
2 tsp dried basil
2 tsp dried parsley
1/2 tsp dried oregano
2/3 cup shell pasta, uncooked

in a large stockpot over medium heat, heat olive oil. add onions, garlic, carrots, and celery and saute for 5-10 minutes. add remaining ingredients except for pasta, and bring to a boil over high heat, uncovered. after bringing to a boil, turn heat down to medium low and simmer 20 minutes. add uncooked pasta shells, and simmer for another 15 minutes or until pasta and vegetables are cooked.

top with parmigiana reggiano cheese, and serve with crusty bread.


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

love makes us brave...

i woke up sad and teary this morning.  the sadness underneath is close to the surface. 
i  push it down,  it bubbles back up. walking through this season is hard.
over the weekend we laid my dad to his eternal resting place. it's a beautiful place with
many trees and flowers. 
a few leaves on the trees were barely hanging on, bravely by their little stems.  that's kind of how i felt
in the first days after my dad died.  just writing those words can make me cry.  there is
nothing like walking along with pieces of your heart falling out of your pocket every time you
bend over or turn to fast. 
i think you dropped this little piece of a heart on the floor yours?
oh yes,  thanks...
but i got back my heart by the people who loved dad.  all the people that came to the
funeral service, or sent cards and flowers, or dropped a note.
it is amazing how healing that is.
when winter comes you wrap yourself up in a cozy coat.  when internal winter comes
you wrap yourself up in cozy care.  all of you have brought me warmth.   it softens the edges,
and make it easier to ride out the storm.

my heartfelt thanks to all of you.

i do my best to hold steady when the pendulum swings,  but no one can do it alone.  so now it's back to
routines and keeping  the rhythm.   all of you are like the glue that keeps me together when my
internal parts are rattling.   
so again, i can't thank you enough.

i love, this picture above (it was a few weeks ago) birch trees were one of my dad's very favorites.....

i like looking at pictures  remembering all the magic moments that made up our days together.  he would want that.  he really would.

love sent,

Thursday, November 11, 2010

i need a long sweater on this november day...

the clocks have been changed it's dark so early.

the leaf littered soggy streets from the past three days of rain are depressing me more than i already am.
i keep wanting to update my blog. it’s a place i come to evacuate my thoughts.
but i like it when my thoughts are happy. i really like to be happy.
i do my best everyday to find happiness and to be grateful.
today i am grateful that i have  people in my life that i can unpack some of this overflow
that is going on in my mind.
right now i have so many thoughts and memories crammed into my head.
they just need to spill out.
my eyelashes are wet but they are suffocated by my eyelids that are fiercely trying to
dam the oncoming flood.

i know..... deep breath.

i keep telling myself that it's ok to be sad, it's normal.
i was watching television and there was a guy surfing - he could barely keep upright
the waves kept knocking him over.
that’s what i feel like right now.
but i kept watching him and what he lacked in skill he made up in effort.
right now for me there are a lot of waves, im trying to keep everything in perspective.
the waves have a lot of faces and my heart is hurting…
my dads death... it's painful. i know grief runs strong when the love runs strong.
a family member making heartbreaking choices which affect everyone.
not what anyone needs right now.
my bff with a deadly disease - a person so brave and willing to fight it makes me sick
that she keeps getting knocked down. but she has real courage and as moe says
real courage is when you know you are licked before you begin but you begin anyway
and see it through. and you keep on fighting.  keep. on. fighting.   please.
i have a lot of internal turmoil.  i think that happens when you feel helpless.

sometimes life is hard. all this shifting feels deafening to me.
i am utterly preoccupied with it’s noise and pain.

but i remember that it’s love that changes trying times into bearable times and hard
moments into learning moments.

so right now the waves are strong and i'm not a good surfer but i know the
waters will be calm again… so i won’t quit surfing.

love sent, xo

Thursday, November 4, 2010

to the world you may be one person - but to one person you may be the world...

you were our world.

my handsome,  blue eyed dad crossed the finish line on October 23rd.

i knew when i had the courage to log back into my blog it would make me sad.

so very sad.

sad, because the last time i wrote i was so happy that my dad’s surgery went so well.
so uneventful, so smooth, we had been so very lucky.

i thought.

that was at 6:57am on friday Oct 22nd

how would i have known then that on Saturday Oct 23, 2010 he would take his last breath.

as m said so eloquently "sometimes life sneaks up and steals something from you."

my initial response were sobs, loud choking sobs, i thought i was going to suffocate.
i had to pull myself together. i had a plane to catch to be there for my mom.
i realized then, right then, that no matter if you are 5 or 50 it still hurts.

more than i could have known.

in these later years i never took a single day for granted we knew how lucky
we were to have him here with us each and every day. our most recent time together
was so special and will now be an eternal gift. and i am fully aware that some people never
get that chance but somehow that does not take away the pain.

losing a parent is like losing your lifes foundation, it’s the person
that has known you since the day you were born and now that person is suddenly no
longer in your life. i have been there for several friends in recent years that have lost parents
and i thought i knew how it would feel - but i didn’t.

i surely didn’t.

grief is a funny thing, there is no way around it, only through it to the other side.
and this takes time. maybe a lifetime.  grief takes our hand,  but  mostly our heart and
shows us a life now changed.  it is a difficult cycle.  but i believe that you are still here inside each of us,
(your children, your grandchildren and your great grandchildren)
shaping our lives, warming our hearts, and giving us the strength that we might not have had without you.

i wish i could hug you one more time, or hear your laugh.  but i am comforted when i look around at our family all created by your love.  we’ll see you, we’ll feel you, through all of us  pieces of you are still here.

i know you are still with me dad, your love will continue to show itself in the smallest ways.
it will make me feel like i haven’t completely lost you.

memory has a way of holding on to the things you love, the the things you feel,
and the things you never want to lose.

you will live in my heart forever.

i will miss knowing that you aren’t reading my blog, even at this age i loved all the credit
you gave me every time you read it.

i love you dad.

sleep tight.

there are no good-byes for us, wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.

love sent, xo