Friday, August 27, 2010

this week...

was filled with every emotion possible.   don't forget to enjoy every moment.  wishing you all
a very happy, loved filled weekend.



kisses,

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

i'll cry if i want to...

a conversation i had with m in the car when she was 3 years old. she speaks from the silence of the backseat.

“i would never go anywhere without you.” i keep my hands on the wheel as my vision gets blurred for a moment from tears. “i know. me neither, babe. i would never go anywhere without you.” i promise.
i told her there is an invisible string that ties our hearts together when we are apart from those we love  no matter where they are.  and if you close your eyes really tight and think really hard you can almost feel the one you miss.

we make these promises to each other. promises that will go flat as soon as the sun rises tomorrow. when we each say goodbye and i watch her head off on this new adventure.

it's not new
happens every year
to those who bring their children to the 1st day of
kindergarten
or elementary school
or middle school
then it's off to high school and
before you know it
college
the car is packed
the hugs are given
the tears are flowing
the future is calling
a moment ago you were in my arms
what will i do now?
i've done this before, twice before
i should be a seasoned veteran by now
it is old news
the release of the young to the first time living away from home
but this time seems different, the last one.
this piece of my life is done
i  stood there today and felt quite awkward
standing there and really fighting back the tears
with a hand on her shoulder
not wanting to let her go
to the new important people in her life
i've told her all she needs to know
she is so confident
so ready
beautiful sparkling smile
i stood there and it was like i was struck mute -  a rarity for me
only able to motion it's ok
like hand signals in baseball or something
in such a brief moment
all those years of planning
all those years of teaching
all those years of mothering snapped away.

i have one silent prayer in my heart

"dear world, please be kind".

love sent,

to those you are with
and those you are missing.
xo

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

and when the rain beats upon my window pane, i'll think of summer days again and dream of you...

the summer always feels a bit apart from regular life,  somehow this year it seems like that is even more true.  there’s something safe about that knowledge, but also something sorrowful. this special time draws to an end and i feel its closing in on my bones, like the sudden chill in the evenings. i hate that this trip is over.  this summer has been wonderful  in so many ways,  but it has also been a strange and somewhat sad summer, an interval of time suspended between two realities, between the known and the unknown. newness and change hover on the horizon, and as we move towards the end of august the shadows we throw grow even longer. i do hate the preemptive anxiety that robs me of today.  i want to push it away but i have never been good at that.  and i try to remind myself the words of the song i sang to m every night before she went to sleep when she was a little girl. que sera sera - my love. (whatever will be - will be)
love sent,

Monday, August 23, 2010

another passage...

this past week i have been very melancholy. i guess it goes with the territory of preparing
my last little one to leave the nest. yup,  college is calling and in 2 short days we will make the
2 hour trip north.  it's not that it's far away. it's what it represents. being a parent is so bittersweet.
this summer we dismanteled the swing set.  it hadn't been used for years but i didn't have the
courage to get rid of it. getting rid of it meant my kids are old now... and i am too.  but that
swing set made me focus on the past instead of delighting in the present. the swing set doesn't
really help me remember my childrens childhood, those memories are embedded in my heart
forever.   it's always so hard to move on.  even when it's what you have planned for for the
past 18 years.   i am trying really hard to be brave...

love sent,

Thursday, August 19, 2010

eat. pray. love.


i saw this movie tonight and i must say i didn't "love" it, as i was expecting.  i did love the book but i found the movie a bit slow at times and a little to over analyzing.  but i will say that i did absolutely love (and agree with)  the very last quote of the movie "i've come to believe that there exists in the universe something i call "the physics of the quest" - a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. and the rule of quest physics maybe goes like this: "if you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting (which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey (either externally or internally), and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared - most of all - to face (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself....then truth will not be withheld from you." or so i've come to believe."  I am inspired by her search for balance.

love sent,

summer...

in the summer the song sings itself...




Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

smile...

i wasn't going to post today because i had so many other things to do. but for the heck of it i just put the word 'cute' in my google search and i found this little guy. looks like this squirrel was feeling he needed a break as well.  really a squirrel hanging out poolside drinking lemonade through a straw? has the internet left no stone unturned? because i feel like with this post ican say, "i've seen it all." i guess it's photoshopped but if it is don't tell me because i want to believe there are straw sucking squirrels in the world.

Monday, August 16, 2010

someday...

someday.   -  that's a dangerous word. it's really just a code word for 'never'.
                     -tom cruise in knight and day

ouch.
i am obviously not the first individual to contemplate the meaning of this adverb. merriam-webster defines someday as at some future time. painfully vague, don't you think?
when i typed someday into google i found someday - wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. the page lists 36 songs and 5 albums titled someday. this list doesn't even include john fogerty's someday never comes. his are the lyrics that really sting and inspire me to never use the word again.
i may move at a turtle's pace, but i don't stall. i  do make things happen. unfortunately, there are some things in my life that i've allowed myself to believe will happen someday. this isn't good. i'm thinking about these things today. some of my somedays are deeply personal and some are as simple as almond cake.

i think i will start with making the almond cake. :)

love sent, xo

Saturday, August 14, 2010

happy weekend....

hope all your wishes come true....


imagine you are on a beach


and the wind is warm with just the touch of cool that you like

and you are all tan without it being bad for you

and "tiny dancer" is blaring out of waterproof speakers

and you are with people you love

and all your dreams are within your reach

and nothing is messy and anything is possible


that's the kind of feeling i want to have....




love sent, xo

Thursday, August 12, 2010

dreams...

i'm nearly out the door; being whisked away to a place where friendships are deepened, creativity flourishes, souls are nurtured and spirits soar. the vast sky, beach breeze, tall sea grasses and the mighty ocean all work together to make magic like no other. it's something i can't even put into words.

i will walk and talk, laugh and cry, and find solitude all in one place for an entire extended weekend and i am ready.

it's best shot thursday today...share something impossibly delightful from your week.   <3

and i read this and it made me smile..

alice laughed. “there’s no use trying,” she said, “one can’t believe impossible things.”

“i daresay you haven’t had much practice,” said the queen. “when i was your age, i always did it for half-an-hour a day. why sometimes i believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast!”

dreaming of 'the impossible' while suspending all the hows and whys is so liberating. when you're dreaming, you don't have to know how you're going to get there. you don't even have to entertain that part. you just have to live in the possibility. the energy that comes with that kind of dreaming can be nothing but good.

love sent, xo

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

where i've been....

listening to the waves crash along the shoreline... 


hanging out with the fam...




toasting to some exciting adventures...

soaking up some vitamin d





eating great food...





relaxing....



and building sand castlles





 and just watching the clouds roll by...





so sad to see vacation end...