my handsome, blue eyed dad crossed the finish line on October 23rd.
i knew when i had the courage to log back into my blog it would make me sad.
sad, because the last time i wrote i was so happy that my dad’s surgery went so well.
so uneventful, so smooth, we had been so very lucky.
i thought.
that was at 6:57am on friday Oct 22nd
how would i have known then that on Saturday Oct 23, 2010 he would take his last breath.
as m said so eloquently "sometimes life sneaks up and steals something from you."
my initial response were sobs, loud choking sobs, i thought i was going to suffocate.
i had to pull myself together. i had a plane to catch to be there for my mom.
i realized then, right then, that no matter if you are 5 or 50 it still hurts.
more than i could have known.
in these later years i never took a single day for granted we knew how lucky
we were to have him here with us each and every day. our most recent time together
was so special and will now be an eternal gift. and i am fully aware that some people never
get that chance but somehow that does not take away the pain.
losing a parent is like losing your lifes foundation, it’s the person
that has known you since the day you were born and now that person is suddenly no
longer in your life. i have been there for several friends in recent years that have lost parents
and i thought i knew how it would feel - but i didn’t.
i surely didn’t.
grief is a funny thing, there is no way around it, only through it to the other side.
and this takes time. maybe a lifetime. grief takes our hand, but mostly our heart and
shows us a life now changed. it is a difficult cycle. but i believe that you are still here inside each of us,
(your children, your grandchildren and your great grandchildren)
shaping our lives, warming our hearts, and giving us the strength that we might not have had without you.
i wish i could hug you one more time, or hear your laugh. but i am comforted when i look around at our family all created by your love. we’ll see you, we’ll feel you, through all of us pieces of you are still here.
i know you are still with me dad, your love will continue to show itself in the smallest ways.
it will make me feel like i haven’t completely lost you.
memory has a way of holding on to the things you love, the the things you feel,
and the things you never want to lose.
you will live in my heart forever.
i will miss knowing that you aren’t reading my blog, even at this age i loved all the credit
you gave me every time you read it.
i love you dad.
sleep tight.
there are no good-byes for us, wherever you are, you will always be in my heart.
love sent, xo
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4 comments:
like you,i knew something also. i knew that when you did write on your blog, it would be poignant and eloquent and meaningful. You don't hold back and you share what so many think but so perfectly worded. I know that star in the sky is watching over all of you and i know that you are stronger than you know. It will always hurt, but the memories will never pass..many many a time we talked about how lucky you all were to be so blessed for so long. The blessings will continue on through all of you...much love my friend xxoo
Dee, this is beautiful. You were always an amazing daughter. He will still be reading your blog.
My heart aches for you on so many levels but you are one brave lady. I know this to be true: 'no matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds, the truth is; there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken.' Courage doesnt't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice (like your Dad's) at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." Real courage is when you know you're licked before you begin but you begin anyway and see it through no matter what.(like you've done so many times in your life) Your Dad knew that about you and I know you'll see this through because you're Dee. Love, Moe XO
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