say goodnight not goodbye...

you will never leave my heart behind...

i sit here numb.  i need to get moving.  i know i will but the suddenness of all that has happened is paralyzing me.  it would be easy to crawl back under the covers but i tried that already and here i am. i listen for my mom in the other room, praying that today she will find the strength to make it through this pain.

one day at a time.

it feels so empty and strange.  there was a time not so long ago that i knew a lot of things.  days like this remind me how much there is we don't know.  how any day we can be called upon to manage unexpected heartbreak and you are left to find a way through it.  there is really no escape from falling apart.  there is no way around grief only through it to the other side and that takes time.  we are trying to find some meaning in the pain we feel inside.   we are not alone, everyone suffers.  today we try to focus on healing.  the emptiness is hard.
when the physical presence of someone is gone forever it is important to remind ourselves that
they are still with us in memory, in heart, in all the beautiful times we shared together.

i write words and connect with people i might never meet.  my heart bounces around cyber space and sometimes i worry about that.  but we really are better together and writing helps me heal.


"i will see you in the light of a thousand suns,  i will hear you in the sound of the waves,  i will know you when i come as we all will come,  through the doors beyond the grave."   beth nielson chapman


love sent,
xo