sometimes it may seem dark...

Dear Dad,

it's been two years today since i heard your voice.  heard your laugh.  sometimes i have great strength and sometimes i have great weakness.   sometimes i laugh at the memory and sometimes i cry.   there is no going back.  i will never be ready to let go of either side.  my children growing up or my parents growing old and leaving this earth.  are we ever ready?  life will always be good and hard,  and complicated and simple.  i was terrified when you were slipping away.  i sat at your bedside
thinking i was prepared -  but no one ever is.  but i knew,  as we all know,  life is fleeting and people are bigger in death.  when all is said and done all the hard times seem less hard and all the good times seem even better. all the memories we have will live on forever.   in those last few hours when time slipped through the hourglass -  it was so painful.   mom was by my side,  her strength was amazing.  watching her it was hard to show weakness. like so many people who had done this before i knew we would make it to the other side.  those moments made me feel so small, so sure a reminder that we really have no control over some of the most incredible moments in life, and also the most difficult. i am reminded today that someone somewhere is hurting, someone somewhere is acting out of fear.  someone somewhere is slowly losing someone they love and someone somewhere is learning how to cope.  it's an ongoing process.  i love you and i had no idea what it would look like down the road.  i do know that i miss you  every. single. day.  like the song says,  we are 240,000 miles from the moon but over the horizon is another beautiful sky.  i am reminded all the time that you are still looking out for me.  i know i am never alone.  i see you in so many things.  especially during this season,  your favorite time of year.  the trees, the colors, the blue sky, the geese heading south are all reminders of you.  in the evening i look out at the moon and i know you are there watching out for me,  just from  another place in the universe.

 i love you to the moon and back.

i remember what you told me in my darkest days.

nothing is forever.
life is not fair.
be good, it will all work out.

   xo

Like quiet ripples on Walden's Pond,
His legacy goes on and on.
Even angels in the snow,
Have a time when they must go.......


love sent, xo