difficult balance.

the past two months i have learned a lot.   a lot about patience and fear.  i have always admitted to
struggling with the unknown.  i would rather know what i am up against than to not really have answers to my questions.  when someone gets sick especially unexpectedly the first response is usually panic, fear, etc. when a very independent elderly parent suddenly has to depend on others it is a little blindsiding at first. even tho with age it should not have come as a total surprise, somehow it still does.
when an elderly person gets an illness that might usually call for a short recovery, advanced age changes everything.   everything takes longer,  to heal, to do, to prepare. we avoid thinking ahead of  the what if.
right now the ground is icy and uncertain beneath me.

i am learning to live with what could happen, while letting things take their course.

i'm treading the line between now and then, what will come next, between here, and wherever there is.

so here i am, learning to exist at the edge of the unknown, where my fears rise up again and again. i am afraid of what i can’t control, of the things i do not know, of outcomes that aren’t certain.  of edges i don’t know how to trust and their isn't much i can do about it.

we are all here briefly, this i know. my prayers become profound in their simplicity:
please watch over us.

love sent,  xo