Tuesday, January 7, 2014

on being a mom...

this has been a really tough week for me.
M left last wednesday on a humanitarian mission in a remote part of the dominican republic.
no cell phone coverage,  spotty internet, no hotel room,  just a house rented to help those in need.   her original flight was on thursday but with the snow storm and all the travel troubles we spent the day rushing her back from her over night new years eve party to quickly packing and changing all her plans to get her out a day early.  with all the last minute changes and rushing to pack (why do this ahead) with all the stress over my moms illness, hospitalization, etc we had not connected a lot on the plan to keep in touch while she was away. 
so she left  - and we waited for her to call.
and we waited.
and we waited.
and i practically made myself sick over not having enough information to reach her etc. 
so finally tonight she called and i felt so relieved i almost cried.
she could not understand why i was so worried. 
she was fine and having an amazing,  "life changing experience"
after i hung up i thought ...
this quote is really true -  "after you become a mom your heart walks around outside your body"'
and then I thought of my own mom, on the mend after being so sick over christmas.
i have stood over her bed for the last few weeks and offered support and love and felt heartache watching her suffer and felt her pain.  but she was not thinking of herself.
she would look at me and say i am ok and if anything happens to me now i am ready. 
it is ok.  
no, it is not ok.  i am not ready. 
not at all.  and i suspect i never will be. 
luckily she is better and hopefully she will get to come home soon.
but it did get me thinking of the whole circle of life.
she was so sick and she would ask me have you heard from m?
how i worried about my daughter and how my mom worries about me.
what is sweeter than a good mother? 
nothing.  i hope you are blessed with such a special person.
it is fascinating to discover the multitude of the facets of a mom's love.
a mother's love is the purest love on earth, it represents the highest level of sacrifice.   since our babies are born, till the day we die, a mother is bound to her offspring.
unconditional,  all of this is done without expecting anything in return, except maybe for a loving embrace. how does a mom know what her baby will treat her like when they grow up?
will they take care of her in her old age or simply forget about her?
she doesn't even care, all she cares about is to do her best to keep her child safe, giving them an education, a shelter, all she can do to offer them more and better than she had.
i realize grown doesn't  mean anything to a mother. a child is a child. they get bigger, older, but grown? what's that supposed to mean? in my heart that doesn't mean anything.

i can see this as i stand over my mom's bedside, i  realize more than ever that to have a mother is a temporary blessing, the more you have her around, the more blessed you are.
however, sometimes the more we have that fortune, the more we get used to it, take it for granted, forgetting to appreciate this unique human being.
a mother is the truest friend we have, when trials are heavy and sudden, when adversity takes the place of prosperity, when friends who are there for us  in our sunshine desert us, when trouble thickens around us, she will still be there for us, to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and bring peace to our hearts.
i have been so blessed with an amazing mom.  she has taught me well. 
i know that m will be that kind of mom some day too. 
we are blessed.
love sent, xoxo


Anonymous said...

Your post brought tears to my eyes. You said it well my friend. At times I feel cheated because my mom was taken from me too soon. But I'm so happy for my friends that are so blessed to have their moms with them. Once a mom always a mom. Love you (pon)

Christine Caetano said...

TEARS! You know my trials and tribulations with mine, but you have helped me to realize that she does it all out of love, she acts out of love, worries out of love and I truly am blessed to have her in my corner! I think I will tell her that today! <3 LOVES to you doll! (ps...I think you are one fabulous one!)

Dee said...

Patti, although I never had the chance to meet your Mom, I know she was a very special person. I can tell by the Mom that you are. Love to you....

Dee said...

Christine, You know we have talked about this so many times. All of it - the good, the bad, and the difficult, all comes absolutely out of LOVE. BIG LOVE. xo and you are an amazing Mom who has been put to the test of doing it all and passed with flying colors.

Anonymous said...

Glad to hear that M made it there ok and is having a great time!! Yes, and I too became teary eyed reading this. Moms are great!! I landed a pretty great one! KT :)