update...

an update on my bff with the big c….

i almost didn’t write that line.
one because i hate to admit she even has it.
and two because referring to it as the "big c"  seems
to somehow diminish the seriousness of it.
so,  to clarify - i know exactly what it is
and it makes me angry -  but angry doesn’t get me anywhere.
and if anyone should be angry it should be c and she isn’t.
she is wagering a very tough battle.  if you were to stop in and see
her you would never have a clue that anything was less than perfect.
as a matter of fact if you ask her how she is doing, she would say -  perfect.
the way she navigates her world she makes us think that all of this is easy.
the first time she started fighting this battle i convinced myself it would be
a short fight.  however, it didn’t end with a resounding victory.
so more fighting was in store.  more surgeries,  more chemo.
chemo is not fun.  it’s a three way race to see if chemo can kill the cancer before the
chemo or cancer kills you.
i don’t like conflict or races but in this case i'm all in to help with the fight.
i plan for her to be a survivor and i am attached to those plans.
i know all of us are. and because she always aims to please everyone
i am certain that she will come through for us.  
thank god she is a people pleaser.
while visiting her last week we chit chat,  she makes me laugh.
i am suppose to be cheering her up but it works the opposite.
i went there to make her day brighter - but instead she made mine sparkle
like the gem that she is. we talk about how hopefully soon she will be joining us
outside the confines of her couch to our favorite booth at the 99 -
that booth holds a lot of dirt. a. lot. of. dirt. it’s a special place for us.
it holds, fear, tears, laughter, comfort, support and promises to be there
for a long, long, time. and i plan for c to be here with us for a long, long, time too.
after i left her house i realized the mud and muck of fear had  dissolved.
i knew in my heart that she will win this. i  just knew it.  by the time i went
to bed that night my heart was calm and peaceful.  then i reminded myself that...
 - storms always lose to the sun.
love you… xo