a heart can be broken...

but it keeps beating just the same.  this morning after i wrote my blog
i sat down and looked around the house in the silence after all the
activity of last night. i thought about how things have changed this
year.  i picked up a picture of my dad off of the table,  then i wiped my eyes
with my sleeve and a big fat tear fell into my coffee. the holidays really amplify
everything. good and bad. but i know it's ok that the holidays are a mix of sweet
and sad.  i thought about my mom and how hard this time must be - but
she keeps smiling and reminding herself how lucky she was to have dad for so
many years.  i thought about my dad and how his own mom died on christmas
day so many years ago.  when gram died on christmas i knew then we would
always be a little sad on that day but dad always made us know that she would
want us to be happy. the absence of people is the hardest. i still want to go
buy crossword puzzles, and tall shirts and slippers and write love notes and
send them off to florida but we can't. i knew this time would be hard and i
also know that grief won't always be right in front of me, it may be at arms
length but instead of whining for what will never be again i will remember
that dad has other ways of showing us his love. it may not be the same
package but it will be there.. we have already seen it.

love sent, xo